Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bathroom, restroom, poo, shit, crap, poop, public restroom, load, dump, manhattan, New Jersey, NJ, PATH, Port Authority Transit of he Hudson, commuter, mensroom, jersey city, journal square, grove street, exchange place, world trade center, manhattan mall, hilton millenniumn hotel, mall, 33rd st
As a 5 day a week commuter from Jersey City into Manhattan, I live and die via the NJ PATH. For those of you who live outside the NYC Metro area, it is the subway system that connects NJ to NYC.
Anyway, even if I drop my first load of the day prior to leaving in the morning, I still used to often find myself stuck on the PATH train, struggling to keep my second load in and cursing myself for not planning ahead. This has led to some unfortunate accidents in the past (more on this at a later date).
Thus, I devised two emergency pit stops that have completely alleviated any concern I used to have. For you PATH commuters, these two stops are very convenient, clean and can break up most commutes nicely. Here goes:
For 33rd Street Riders:
Manhattan Mall Food Court
Conveniently located within the immediate PATH area, the food court is a short 5 min walk away. Also, because there really aren’t any food options open anymore in the food court, the traffic in these restrooms is pretty modest. I must say, the stalls themselves are not immaculate, but given that if you are using them, you are in pretty dire need, are you really going to complain??
For World Trade Center Riders:
Hilton Millennium Hotel
Again, conveniently located right outside the PATH station, this necessary pit stop won’t completely alter your morning commute. Restrooms are located right inside the revolving doors. Using an adaption of the Restaurant/Bar Technique, you can easily fool the doorman into thinking that you are either a) a guest at the hotel or b) entering the lobby to wait to pick up a guest. There are two unisex restrooms available, and if I may say so, they are quite luxurious. It is after all a freakin’ Hilton that you are shitting in…
NOTE: If you are commuting in early hours (prior to 8a), the janitorial staff is usually finishing up their morning cleaning rounds, so sometimes they are closed off.
Keep these two emergency shitting posts in mind on your commute and you’ll never be caught in a compromising position…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bathroom, crap, pee, poo, public, restroom, shit, stall, toilet
25 years. 9,125 days. Appx. 63,875-90,125 dumps.
Few could match that stat. Few would want to.
I poo a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. At least once when I wake up, once either on the 45 minute commute to work (more on that during another post) or immediately upon arrival, and usually once after checking email, voicemails and getting settled in- and that’s just the morning.
I can usually wait until after lunch before I have to go again, then I try and go during the late afternoon. Depending on how late I am working, I try and go once more before I leave the office. I get home, eat, and usually go twice more before bed.
All in all, if you add that up, I am usually dropping a load approximately 7-10 times a day. Some may say that it abnormal, and my friends urge me to seek consultation, however, I do not mind. In fact, I actually enjoy these breaks in my life and feel that with all the crap that I eat, my body is doing me good by getting rid of it- who am I to argue with nature.
That being said, I am a master of restrooms. It is one thing to have to poop 7-10 times while you are at home, or at work. It is an entirely different story taking 7-10 dumps during a hike in the woods, a road trip,
visiting a new place, while on a date, etc. Things can get interesting. I’ve learned my fair share of lessons the hard way.
But what I’ve compiled through these years, is a plethora of tips, experiences and strategies for nearly every imaginable #2 emergency. Rarely do I find myself franticly running for a restroom without a plan- when nature calls, I am ready, 7-10 times day/night, no matter where I am of what situation I am in.
Allow me to share and pass on the Secrets to Public Restroom Navigation.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: crap, dump, emergency, gym, load, manhattan, new york city, new york sports club, poo, poop, public restroom
Not just a place to work out
Your walking aimlessly around NYC and all of a sudden, you feel the urge to drop a duece. There are seemingly no public restrooms in sight, and time is running out. What do you do??
Fortunately, for New York/Boston/Washington/Philadelphia Sports Club gym members, you are most likely in luck. For instance, did you know that there are over 40 NYSC locations in Manhattan alone??
When you signed up for your gym membership, you didn’t simply sign up to ONLY use the gym equipment and/or join a stupid spinning class- you also signed up for unlimited use of their restroom facilities!
Yes, that means, if it’s 10p on a random Wednesday night after you have been out at happy hour for 4 hours,
you are stumbling back to a subway a suddenly need to take a shit, and you run into your local NYSC establishment, you are allowed to go drop your dirty work there.
Personally, I have taken a mental log of all the NYSC locations. It has expanded my “poop emergency locations” ten-fold. Better yet, you really feel satisfied after, knowing that you truly are getting the most out of your gym membership…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bathroom, family, Macys, poo, poop, public restroom, restroom, toilet paper
Though not a recent phenomenon, it is something that I have been noticing more and more as of late- Family Restrooms. I was at Macy’s the other day when I had the sudden urge to drop one. I entered the men’s room, and as always, first checked to see if the stall had toilet paper, which of course it did not.
Being that I really I had go, I began to quickly run through my options- use paper towels? Not an option, the bathroom used hand dryers. Run to another department store? Wouldn’t have made it. Then it occurred to me that the answer was right outside- the little known “Family Restroom.”
So of you may be familiar with it, but as a 25 year-old male with no kids, I had no idea what the hell to expect. So, I entered and to my disbelief, it was a public restroom jackpot! Clean, private, ample room, plenty of TP.
Are these really just for families? C'mon
As I relaxed and took stock of my good fortune, I heard a sudden knock at the door and the subsequent screaming of a child. I ignored it hoping that it would pass, but seconds later, I was interrupted with another knock. Again I chose to ignore it.
I finished up, thoroughly pleased with my experience, and exited. As I opened the door however, I got a glimpse of a mother and her little boy. She did not look impressed with me, nor share in my excitement of my discovery. Not only did I occupy the family restroom that is clearly intended for use by people such as her, but I also stunk it up a great deal for her son who obviously was a handful himself.
So, it got me thinking, are these “family restrooms” really just for families??? I would like to think that they are a courtesy option, but to deny all the public access to that kind of luxury is discriminatory. Thoughts?
